I had to count the days. Last time I updated my Coronavirus Diaries was on the 5th of April. Then it was silence.
As you can imagine, nothing extraordinary has happened to me in the meantime. Nothing extraordinary ever happens to me, as a matter of fact.
But I had my period and for nearly three days I was mostly passed out because of the pain (treating fibroids is not essential right now so I have to deal with it). I don’t have much Paracetamol left and I am trying to ration the tablets. I chose to take some at night, to at least have a good night sleep and suffer throughout the day. I am now sorted, a friend helped, it will be easier next time.
Once I was done with my period, I celebrated by walking around naked and carefree for two days. I didn’t even think of the lockdown, I was very happy. Apparently, you just need something shitty to happen to you for the lockdown to stop being such a burden.
The rest of the days sort of meshed one into the other and kind of looked the same. I can’t really tell the days apart. I simply split my days between days when I put clothes on and days when I don’t put clothes on.
I’ve been consistent with my sleeping (I fall asleep before midnight and I wake up at 7ish, without an alarm). I am extremely satisfied with this.
I’ve been learning Spanish on Duolingo for 28 days straight and I have completed 104 levels. I am very proud of myself.
I’ ve listened to music every single day and I don’t have words to express my satisfaction. There was a period of about two years when I couldn’t listen to more than probably a song a day because it would trigger an anxiety attack. It’s such a relief to be over it and be able to listen to music and sing along, loud and out of tune.
I haven’t fallen into any of my unhealthy patterns. I am still able to manage my thoughts and not act on the negative ones. I still haven’t texted any exes, trying to rekindle things. I know there’s nothing like Christmas or an Apocalypse to bring people together, but, honestly, if you remember someone when you’re bored, it’s not a good sign. And I was not impressed with the exes that expressed their desire to share their boredom with me. Zero points. If you can’t give me the time of the day when you are having a good time, I will certainly not entertain you when you are bored. All that’s in this for me is ruined self-esteem and it’s not something I am keen on.
Yesterday, after two weeks of isolation, I took the tube and went to a work assignment. It was absolutely surreal. I waited on the platform for about five minutes, and the whole time a message played on the tannoy, urging people to stay home if they were not essential workers, to save lives. It was in seven languages I think, including Romanian. It was the scariest thing I’ve lived so far in London. It was a worse feeling than when they were sometimes calling Inspector Sands to the operations room immediately.
Work was an utter nightmare, no one would give a shit about me. They wanted to leave me alone in a room with an offender while the professional conducting the interview would be on the phone, because he was in isolation. The loud-speaker was not working so they wanted me to hold to my face the receiver of a phone previously touched and spat on by I don’t know who. I had to throw a tantrum and threaten with leaving, to get them to put some things in place for my protection. I am not going back to work until this ends. I will do what I can remotely and that’s that. I want to help this country and do as much as I can to keep things going, but I would like the country not to kill me in the process, if that’s ok. So now I am back in isolation for fourteen days to see if I picked up the virus yesterday.
But I am in a better mood now, so it’s going to be easier.
I am done grieving, I have accepted this is my new life and I am trying to make the best of it. I do sometimes wake up and I think: “Ok, and now what?” but then I start doing whatever I feel like it and enjoy it.
The weather has been splendid lately. I’ve been spending about five hours a day in my garden, wearing my best clothes, makeup and perfume. It does lift up my spirits. I’ve learned about the types of birds that share the garden with me. I have blackbirds, magpies, starlings, sparrows and yesterday three ducks (or geese) flew over my head. I also have a squirrel. The cats are not visiting anymore so the garden is poo free. I bought a rake and garden sheers and I think I am going to order a mower soon.
I wrote a short story and I am working on two more. I haven’t been reading a lot but that’s okay.
On a different note, I found M&S on Deliveroo and they can bring me essentials like eclairs, chocolate and beer in fifteen minutes and this is absolute perfection.
Yesterday we found out the lockdown would be extended. Three more weeks, at least. My hair will free itself from the keratin restraints and frizz like a bitch, I will have to push my fringe away from my mouth and every single blade of grass in my garden will have a name. And that is fine.
Have a relaxed lockdown, people. And don’t forget to wash your hands like you are washing Jason Momoa.
Title: Selfie in times of Coronavirus
Date: April 10
Model: yours truly
Location: model’s own garden
Glam: model’s own dress, hair and makeup
Angle: the only one that didn’t reveal model’s grey roots (model coloured her own hair in the meantime, no need for angles, model will look astonishing from all angles for three to four weeks)
Filters: several but who’s counting